In the eye of the storm

I am in the middle of a binge right now. It's a scary place. I was stressed out, then I noticed I was eating. And then, on some level, I thought, "wouldn't it be nice to keep eating? Wouldn't it be nice to keep eating?"

I feel like I want to cry. I feel like I want to hide. I feel like I want to run away and not come out. I feel like I want to go back to bed.

It wasn't an enormous binge: a granola bar, some sweedish fish, probably two handfuls of chocolate covered raisins. But I have been feeling it come on all morning. Rich is stressing me out. And without Sanjay here, I honestly don't know what to do. I am supposed to be in charge for corporate, and I honestly don't know what he wants. Particularly after that second-year BA workshop, I feel like I should be better than this. I should be on top of my workstream, and other people's workstreams, too. Instead I am overwhelmed and bingeing.

Ok, Katie, let's breathe here. Your eating is rational. Your eating is in response to rational behavior. You are scared, and lost, and overwhelmed and so you are eating this way.

And you can only do what you can do. You can't be a rockstar BA out of thin air. You can only do what you can do. I love you. Did you know that?

You can only do what you can do.

Ok, you are stressed out. You are scared. So let's problem-solve together. I will wrap my arms around you, and we will problem-solve together. Here's what I think you need to do:

0. Breathe. I love you. You will be great. I think you are just scared because Sanjay is gone, but you will be ok. Ok?

1. Complete the model for 2011 that you and Sanjay discussed; Or maybe 2013? No, 2011, because Rich really cares about people moving in enhancement versus development, and you only have data that far back

2. Put together some kind of explanation for the back-up page. I don't know what this looks like yet, but will deal with it when I get to it. Ok? Ok.

3. Put together some more materials for Marie.

4. Breathe